


Equations for a falling body

by AlgernonInWonderland



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Minor Pacifica Northwest/Mabel Pines, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Weirdmageddon, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlgernonInWonderland/pseuds/AlgernonInWonderland
Summary: The way back home is much harder than what she had expected — a character study of Mabel right after the end of "Take Back The Falls".





	Equations for a falling body

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/track/4jH04tK1Z6EpovVEbAtDtG?si=O6JtvqZORRmm4NM6mq1XbA

The drive back to Piedmont ended up being more silent than what Mabel had thought it would be, and as her Grunkles slowly vanished from her sight, she decided that she already missed them. Of course she had made sure to get her friends’s numbers, even Pacifica who had reluctantly given in to her plea. She’d stay in touch with them but then it wouldn’t be the same, she mused while she showered her twin brother with glitter. 

Not that she didn’t have friends in California, mind you, and she had missed them a lot. But she had the feeling that she would miss Gravity Falls more than she had expected, until next year hopefully. If her parents let them. But for now, she smiled. For a little while, she was glad. Who knew it would end up being so tiring? She closed her eyes for a while, exhausted.

This summer had been so much more than what she had imagined it would be, in weird ways she hadn’t even thought existed before, at least not seriously. She felt more grown up, somehow changed by all that had happened. But she wouldn’t let her thoughts wander in that direction. She wasn’t sure she had processed everything yet and honestly how could anyone blame her? Outside from the people who had witnessed it, there was no one she could talk to about it. 

“Hello I’m having nightmares from when that demonic entity caused the apocalypse and entrapped me in my own fantasy world which I feel guilty about and stuff, and maybe I’m having trust issues too, also I question my own existence more and more and I’m having a hard time just being here” was too forward.

They would never believe her. So coping with it and wondering how the others would deal with all of that was a question for later, one she was not ready to answer. The bus kept on rolling, and it was unfair. It had felt like something was truly over, but not completely so, and it bothered her. And almost more importantly, she was getting hungry and Dipper probably was too, she reckoned, judging from the way his stomach grumbled every so often. He looked so tired…

“Hey, Dippingsauce, ” she chirped, “don’t you fall asleep yet, ‘cause I have just the thing for you!” And with that, she dug in her bag until she pulled a crumpled bag out of her mess.  
“Thanks, Mabel…”, he mumbled drowsily. He blindly picked a taco from the bag and slowly, too slowly, took a lazy bite from it.

She soon followed him, more energetically. How would he cope, she wondered. He had been even quieter than he used to, and she didn’t know what to think of it, and the rings under his eyes spoke for themselves. She didn’t sleep too well either, and hoped that it wouldn’t last for too long. Why couldn’t she munch without thinking of anything else but that taco for the moment, why did it keep coming back to all of that?  
Before Gravity Falls, she hadn’t had that kind of problem. It could change if she chewed faster or if she had more food to chew, maybe? Of course it wouldn’t change a thing, that’s not how things worked and she knew it perfectly. Which didn’t stop her from trying and almost choking on a particularly large bite and Dipper had to slap her on the back. Some things never changed after all. Maybe she should feed Waddles too and then take a nap and forget these intrusive thoughts.

When Mabel opened her eyes again, the light was getting dimmer. She glanced at Dipper’s troubled face, and decided not to wake him up just yet. “Still a few hours to go, don’t think about it too much,” mom often said. Which meant that they would get to Piedmont at dusk and go to bed quite soon after that She had probably missed the moment when they had left Oregon… 

The Californian landscape by nighttime would be different from the one of the little town in the middle of nowhere surrounded by the woods. It hadn’t been hard for Mabel to adjust to the atmosphere back then, getting used to the noises, it had been a nice change from the stillness of home where everything was so… civilized, for the lack of a better word. It would probably be weird for a few days and then everything would fall back to normal. The first night of sleep in what felt like months without sharing a room with her brother. The idea didn’t thrill her nearly as much as it should have. Yes, that meant that she would finally be able to craft whatever she wanted, but something would be missing.

She fumbled her knitting needles and a ball of mauve wool out of the bag and tried to find something to make out of it. It did work for a little while, as Mabel busied herself knitting a new sweater while trying to make as little noise as possible, until she stopped knitting altogether leaving her work unfinished, she felt too tired and unfocused for it anyway; maybe she won’t ever finish this one. 

Had Dipper woken up, he would have said that it was unusual, as there was no such thing as a half-knitted Mabel sweater. Didn’t she enjoy it, wasn’t that one of the fun things to do? So why did her mind keep racing back to these disturbing moments that were over? He would not come back to harm them, so why did it still haunt her? And what if he did come back after all? That was a stupid question and she’d rather not find out the hard way. Would Pacifica be safe if it happened, when it happened? “Once I get home, I need to text her,” she said to herself. It was the moment Dipper chose to snap his eyes open and blurt something she didn’t quite understand. She let him settle down.

”Still some way to go, bro-bro! Wanna do something fun?” At that, he frowned, and maybe he saw through her overly cheerful voice, her finger gun and forced grin. Please don’t ask me if I’m OK, please don’t ask me if I’m OK…  
“Mabel,” he hesitated. “Is… Is everything alright?”

He looked at her as if she were a kind of sick puppy, a look she has hated for as long as she could remember. Not that puppy weren’t cute, but she wasn’t made of glass, she wouldn’t break that easily. She had made it, survived Weirdmageddon. Such a simple question should not have scared her that way.

She pressed, “Of course, I am just fine, silly!” Anyone else would have plastered an equally fake smile on their faces and changed the subject. Instead, Dipper frowned once more and said nothing. She looked down at her feet

A pregnant silence lingered in the air like the calm before the storm, both of them trying their best not to look at the other. She hated that silence, hated that she wasn’t able to answer such a simple question honestly, hated that Dipper looked so tired, hated that she couldn’t focus on the fun things, hated that her words weren’t enough to express how hollow she felt only a few hours after they left Gravity Falls, how scared she was of what was coming next, of falling asleep at night to wake up in tears. What if she didn’t get news from anyone back there, what if she didn’t get along with her friends in Piedmont anymore because of what had happened, what if mom and dad noticed her and her brother’s scars, what would they say? And what about her? Would anyone still like her if she wasn’t as bubbly as before? She had had to force it so that no one would worry, but what if she couldn’t fake it anymore? Why couldn’t she move on just now? It hurt and she didn’t want that. There wasn’t anything good she could make out of it, it just wasn’t her and yet it was here, devouring her slowly. She hadn’t deserved any of it, she was sure of that in the beginning, but now?

Unexpectedly, she felt his arms wrap softly around her. 

“Awkward sibling hug,” he said, his voice cracking a little at that and she was sure she felt his breath hitch. 

 

“P-pat, pat.”

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to find the proper characterization for Mabel was harder than I thought, especially trying to depict her as something more than an eccentric pollyanna without making her too unlike her. It was an interesting piece to write.  
> I'm still sorry for the possible mistakes, English is still not my first language as far as I know.


End file.
